Tears

I look back into my past life
At the struggles, the pain, and the strife
For there I can never fail to see
The defining patterns that became me

Some of those patterns are ugly to know
They highlight the evil that I did sow
But the theme shifts across the years
And slowly the harm is washed by tears

Tears for the damage that I have caused
Sobs that helped to heal all the flaws
And bring the joy that life has to give
As I set myself a different path to live

I look forward, now, to the rest of my days
Peering to see through dusky haze
Working to rebalance my earlier wrong
For the rest of my life, all my life long

©1986 Copyright Marty Vandermolen, All rights Reserved

Drained

Sometime along the back trails of my life
Unnoticed losses drove fangs into my soul
Sapping almost imperceptibly my future joys
Penetrating in darkness to the foundation of Me
Eroding the inherent strength that there resided
Countering my efforts to heal my spirit
Deadening loves and thrills, senses and compassions
Emotions burned black to hardened coal
Destroyed forever, for whatever, remains of this life

© Copyright 2016 Marty Vandermolen 

Heartbeat

Heartbeats pound within my chest
Disturbing lonely nighttime rest
Crashing loud within my ears
Thrusting forth my varied fears
Flashing brilliant on smothering black
Damning my dreams for what they lack

Bringing me to face this world I made
By swinging my short and moral blade
At those who offered life and soul
To enrich mine, to make me whole
That I might live my life within
This silent world of clangerous din

Yet I refuse their offered breath
And so rushed on toward lonely death.

© Copyright 1991, Marty Vandermolen

Come the End of My Life

Come the end of my life
When I’ve finally gone
Scatter my ashes
Some cool damp dawn
Part over river
Part over field
Part on the wind
All to yield
My due returned
For the joy I’d gain
Sailing o’r water, sand and plain

© Copyright 2017 Marty Vandermolen All Rights Reserved

Forlorn

Loneliness
has stalked my nights,
the fading borders of my days,
and the shadows cast by fear and uncertainty.
Third
brother and last child,
arriving in place of a desired daughter, I have
forever known a veneer of separation in the midst of a passionate family. 
Often
ignored and just as often discarded
by older brothers that wanted no part in my limitations,
I found solace in imagination, walls, and distance.
Erecting
fortified palisades to both hide
and protect, my
inabilities, insecurities, incompetence.
Cast
as first among friends, my youth was spent
offering support and encouragement to those who by the merest act of accepting,
left me behind to embrace my then vacant horizon. 
Never
partnered, at least not in deeds, my life has been
burdened as that of a single oxen forever locked in the trace chains of misery
with link upon link dragging ever deeper into the ruts of dismal continuity.
Forever
insulated from the warmth and vibrancy of life and
the tenderness of companionship and love
my footprints pace patterns with no other on the pathways of existence
Ending
Staggered step by staggered step
against the solid wall
of nothingness

© Copyright 2017 Marty Vandermolen

Slipping into Sighs

Slip-sliding through
Shimmering sky
Faster then ever
Dared Peregrine fly
Far below wrinkled
Textured grounds lie
Dust clouds whorl up
Shuffling dirt dry
Seeing the vast broad
Course ground slide by
I can’t but wonder
And question why
The audacious spirit that
Drove early pioneer to try
Crossing that desolation
While so many did die
Has disappeared by generations
Finally lost in soft sigh

© Copyright 2016 Marty Vandermolen